just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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