Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
