is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
