Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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