I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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