is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
