His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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