I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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