She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
high people should be assigned attendants
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
