Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
