who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
