sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize