i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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