Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
