Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
