I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
