we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
