my phone needs a breathalizer
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My vagina is officially offended.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
