I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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