Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to calm my uterus...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
