oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
