I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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