There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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