so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
