well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
