she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
