Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
