it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
