My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
