could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
