You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
