just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
