Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
