So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
