He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
