my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
