It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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