I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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