is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
