I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
