it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
