shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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