Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
