Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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