check it out our google latitudes are spooning
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
