There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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