Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
