I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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