Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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