Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
