well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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