you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
