is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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