Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
