i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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