I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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