mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
