question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
