I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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