Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
