he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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