at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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