There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
