should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
