I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
