new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
