Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
