bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
