She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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