this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
